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Why I hate God
May. 2nd, 2006 04:17 amMy first (real) rant of the year.
God.
I hate god. Real or not, I don't care. I don't believe in him anymore. I lost my faith years ago.
He took away my closest friends, took away some of my family, screwed me and my life over more ways than one.
And just as i'm beginning to heal up and recover...
He does it again.
What, isn't it enough that he's destroyed my happiness, hope, faith, heart, ect? Now he has to start up on my family, too? Why, dammit!
My cousin, Nathan... He, his girlfriend, Amy and two of his friends were driving back to Iowa... at 3:30 AM, the driver fell asleep and they ran off the road, crashed the carp and it flipped over end over end four times. The two upfront were okay... Nathan was alright, but Amy... Her pelvis is broken in 6 or so places, 2 vertabre are broken, her collarbone, but is showing no signs of paralysis and the doctors think she'll have a good recovery.
My cousin, Ryan... He recently got into the Mesa police department and one of the guys he worked with was hit by a DUI and was killed... Not only was he a friend of him and many others, his wife and him were trying to have a child...
My uncle Bobby.
His wife Teresa has a condition (forget the name right off the bat) that eats her red blood cells...she was going to give up, as the doctors say there's no more they can do for her, but she decided to fight and stay alive as long as she can... The reason we're so upset is that Uncle Bobby in the past...he believes he's cursed. I don't blame him, I'm the same way. Because everyone he ever told that he loved them, they left him. His mother, his girlfriend in highschool, his longtime partner, Robin, and now Teresa...
And there are so many other little details that are happening to my family. My grandmother going blind, her brother is going blind,an aunt who's still in her prime has eye-issues, my mother and her diabetic problem, my other family's problems, I can't take it anymore.
It's not enough that god decides to take away my friends and family just to screw me over, and then ruin my life and offer no 'comfort' as most christians say he can, but now he's starting on my family. What next, god?! Are you going to take my brothers away tor turn them against me? Just to spite me, to take away all that's left of my heart?! WHAT NEXT DAMMIT?! I hate god, I hate him so much. I've never hated anyone, just immensely disliked them, but if there is anyone/anything that I can truely ever hate, it is god.
And those of you whom are christians, don't come ranting to me saying otherwise, because this is my experiance and if he's there for you, then you're fucking lucky because he obviously hates me. Because I prayed to him, I asked him for forgiveness, I prayed that he would comfort me and everything else, and did he? No, he didn't. I've had to deal with it by myself, and it is just fucking too much.
I could handle it up until this point, but he has crossed the fucking line. God, if you fucking want to torture me, you're doing a hell of a good job of it, but just fucking spare my family the pain and lay it all on me, because I won't stand to see my family suffer because you hate me!
God can go and take his proverbial lightning bolt and shove it up his ass for all I care about him anymore. Because obviously there is no saving grace of any deity, you must find it on your own. I've found mine, and if god takes that away from me... Then so fucking help me I will break my promise. Because I am not going to lose what's most important to me. And if I do, then nothing, not even my honor, will stop me. Because it would be just too damn much, and I wouldn't have anything to live for then.
God.
I hate god. Real or not, I don't care. I don't believe in him anymore. I lost my faith years ago.
He took away my closest friends, took away some of my family, screwed me and my life over more ways than one.
And just as i'm beginning to heal up and recover...
He does it again.
What, isn't it enough that he's destroyed my happiness, hope, faith, heart, ect? Now he has to start up on my family, too? Why, dammit!
My cousin, Nathan... He, his girlfriend, Amy and two of his friends were driving back to Iowa... at 3:30 AM, the driver fell asleep and they ran off the road, crashed the carp and it flipped over end over end four times. The two upfront were okay... Nathan was alright, but Amy... Her pelvis is broken in 6 or so places, 2 vertabre are broken, her collarbone, but is showing no signs of paralysis and the doctors think she'll have a good recovery.
My cousin, Ryan... He recently got into the Mesa police department and one of the guys he worked with was hit by a DUI and was killed... Not only was he a friend of him and many others, his wife and him were trying to have a child...
My uncle Bobby.
His wife Teresa has a condition (forget the name right off the bat) that eats her red blood cells...she was going to give up, as the doctors say there's no more they can do for her, but she decided to fight and stay alive as long as she can... The reason we're so upset is that Uncle Bobby in the past...he believes he's cursed. I don't blame him, I'm the same way. Because everyone he ever told that he loved them, they left him. His mother, his girlfriend in highschool, his longtime partner, Robin, and now Teresa...
And there are so many other little details that are happening to my family. My grandmother going blind, her brother is going blind,an aunt who's still in her prime has eye-issues, my mother and her diabetic problem, my other family's problems, I can't take it anymore.
It's not enough that god decides to take away my friends and family just to screw me over, and then ruin my life and offer no 'comfort' as most christians say he can, but now he's starting on my family. What next, god?! Are you going to take my brothers away tor turn them against me? Just to spite me, to take away all that's left of my heart?! WHAT NEXT DAMMIT?! I hate god, I hate him so much. I've never hated anyone, just immensely disliked them, but if there is anyone/anything that I can truely ever hate, it is god.
And those of you whom are christians, don't come ranting to me saying otherwise, because this is my experiance and if he's there for you, then you're fucking lucky because he obviously hates me. Because I prayed to him, I asked him for forgiveness, I prayed that he would comfort me and everything else, and did he? No, he didn't. I've had to deal with it by myself, and it is just fucking too much.
I could handle it up until this point, but he has crossed the fucking line. God, if you fucking want to torture me, you're doing a hell of a good job of it, but just fucking spare my family the pain and lay it all on me, because I won't stand to see my family suffer because you hate me!
God can go and take his proverbial lightning bolt and shove it up his ass for all I care about him anymore. Because obviously there is no saving grace of any deity, you must find it on your own. I've found mine, and if god takes that away from me... Then so fucking help me I will break my promise. Because I am not going to lose what's most important to me. And if I do, then nothing, not even my honor, will stop me. Because it would be just too damn much, and I wouldn't have anything to live for then.
