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Someone kill me, please, I've had enough of my life. Again. So I got put on new medication and got tested and poked and prodded with needles and everything else. My life is so fucking wonderful. Let's not add in the fact that my family is being assholes and that my social life (or lack there of) is falling to pieces again.
Days like these, I want to go back to being mechanic. To just stop feeling and thinking and just exist again. As masochistic as it sounds, I do. It's not living, but at least I wouldn't be dying. So, I'm crying right now as I type this and does my family notice? No, they're too fucking absorbed into the TV, which is only a few feet away from me. Wonderful, hm?
My only escape seems to be my videogames since online is even too much for me now. Lovely, instead of making progress, I'm regressing again. Just. Fucking. Wonderful. I wonder if Adam cursed me the day I left because apparently my backbone I'd gained from telling him to go to hell has seemed to be what's getting in the way of plenty of things.
Har, if only he could read this, I'm sure he'd be fucking thrilled to know I'm suffering. HI, ADAM, IF YOU EVER READ THIS, IT APPEARS THAT YOU DID WIN IN THE LONG RUN. CONFUCKINGGRATULATIONS. =DDD
Hell, I can't even find the will to write much anymore I've felt so bad. Writing takes too much energy now and I never thought that I'd ever say that. I reach, but the words I want to put down won't flow anymore. I struggle and try to grasp for them, but it's not as easy as it used to be. Wonderful. So the only things I've got left are music and videogames. Not much progress anymore. Maybe I should retire from the internet for a while and try and get my 'life' on track by picking my studies back up again and start trying to get my drivers liscense again. Something to submerse myself into productively always seems to help.
...Bah, who am I kidding? Not even myself. Heh, I used to be such a good liar, too. I guess my honor keeps me from believing my lies now. Lovely. The other day I thought about ODing on a medicine cocktail but I decided, why bother, lets take the most painful path and let myself die a slow and excruciating death by 'living'. Why, yes, I'm masochistic, why do you ask? Hah... Besides, pain is something I'm used to. It's the only thing certain I have to look forward to; something that reminds me that I'm both alive, and dying at the same time.
Oh, well. Guess that's how I'm meant to live.
As I fall, as I fall
Do you even wonder
'Is there something missing?'
No one misses me
No, not at all...
Days like these, I want to go back to being mechanic. To just stop feeling and thinking and just exist again. As masochistic as it sounds, I do. It's not living, but at least I wouldn't be dying. So, I'm crying right now as I type this and does my family notice? No, they're too fucking absorbed into the TV, which is only a few feet away from me. Wonderful, hm?
My only escape seems to be my videogames since online is even too much for me now. Lovely, instead of making progress, I'm regressing again. Just. Fucking. Wonderful. I wonder if Adam cursed me the day I left because apparently my backbone I'd gained from telling him to go to hell has seemed to be what's getting in the way of plenty of things.
Har, if only he could read this, I'm sure he'd be fucking thrilled to know I'm suffering. HI, ADAM, IF YOU EVER READ THIS, IT APPEARS THAT YOU DID WIN IN THE LONG RUN. CONFUCKINGGRATULATIONS. =DDD
Hell, I can't even find the will to write much anymore I've felt so bad. Writing takes too much energy now and I never thought that I'd ever say that. I reach, but the words I want to put down won't flow anymore. I struggle and try to grasp for them, but it's not as easy as it used to be. Wonderful. So the only things I've got left are music and videogames. Not much progress anymore. Maybe I should retire from the internet for a while and try and get my 'life' on track by picking my studies back up again and start trying to get my drivers liscense again. Something to submerse myself into productively always seems to help.
...Bah, who am I kidding? Not even myself. Heh, I used to be such a good liar, too. I guess my honor keeps me from believing my lies now. Lovely. The other day I thought about ODing on a medicine cocktail but I decided, why bother, lets take the most painful path and let myself die a slow and excruciating death by 'living'. Why, yes, I'm masochistic, why do you ask? Hah... Besides, pain is something I'm used to. It's the only thing certain I have to look forward to; something that reminds me that I'm both alive, and dying at the same time.
Oh, well. Guess that's how I'm meant to live.
As I fall, as I fall
Do you even wonder
'Is there something missing?'
No one misses me
No, not at all...
